Prayers After Riding

On page 79 of Alive O 8 (for 6th class students), the page that most diligent parents tear out the moment they purchase the book, you will find a section in small print headed ‘Prayers after Riding’. This is the section that Breda O’Brien fought hard to erase from the religious curriculum, but in acknowledgment of the fact that omitting it might cast some poor children into hell, the Archbish of Dubdub decreed that it should be included, for better or for worse. This is pure filth, they say. You’ve been warned.

Prayers After Riding 

O God, who makes us all live together in harmony and loveliness, we thank you for the lovely experience of the ride. Please let us make a baby together and live forever and ever in holiness and loveliness, only having a lovely ride when we truly want to make a baby. Amen.

Holy Mary, who definitely never ever rid, make sure that we don’t catch chlamydia (or however you spell it) or whatever other form of clap that’s going around at the moment. In the name of your holy Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

Lord Jesus, who gave us families, infertile couples, and single mothers, please make sure that if a baby should result out of this ride we have just had that we should have the decency to get married and try our best to bring the child up together, even if we are twelve. Amen.