Apologies

I'm sorry. That last post was a bit shite. But to make up for it, I'll tell you a story. It's a bit like Will & Grace but with a twist. One of them is straight/heterosexual. The mildly acceptable one is the straight one. No, not the token flamboyant gay one. The other one.

Well, let me begin. They live in the lovely, fictional village of Ballykillrathatraw in the suburbs of Tipperary city. The straight one is the descendant of a friend of Éamonn deValera and is reasonably happy with the current Fianna Fáil government under Bertie and Brian. His gay friend however is a womanizer (regardless of sexuality) and doesn't really care about the day-to-day running of the economy. He does know, however, that his heterosexual friend (who I haven't given a name to yet) hates Enda Kenny, Garret Fitzgerald and Keven O'Higgins. He skips around the breakfast table chanting "Sinne Fine Gael" and asks his friend to pass the Richard Bruton instead of the salt just to piss hm off. He was like that you see, little bit dense but evil in a rather unusual and smart way. But they live quite happily together in their rented home in Ballykillrathatraw, fictitiously of course.

The lives of our unnamed (and unbaptized) heroes was never very far from adventure. One time they had to complete their tax forms very quickly after leaving it quite late in the evening. They went to many weddings and ceremonies of the sort. Neither of these fellows went to college but they weren't stupid by any means. Most Tuesdays the gay one bought a paper and they sat in all day doing the crossword. They were a marvellous team. Occasionally they will entertain guest like their straight friend from Prussia, who also won't be getting a name for Christmas. Fun and joy is abundant when the Prussian comes to visit. He tells them stories from his childhood and fables that he heard from his grandfather, Otto.

The straight one works in a bank, you see. He is a teller and is able to use the foreign exchange machine. He was only recently trained at that and is very happy in his job, what with now being able to help customers change currencies. O, how the currency markets fascinate him. How he'd love to buy large quantities of Chilean Peso and sell them again several days later in a different part of the world. His companion, the gay one, never gives his straight friend a minute to air his high hopes of currency speculation. "O, here you go again," he will say if the straight one starts on about the Yen or the Dollar. It's a pity though as he says, for if he made himself a fortune on the FXM he'd take himself and his gay friend away for a long holiday in Asia. He'd love to see Asia. All the Asian things that go on there intrigue him. He wonders if someone in Asia is intrigued by north-western European things. He thinks and hopes. His thought-train is interrupted by his gay friend entering the room with a baroque guitar singing praise to William T. Cosgrave. It's probably for the best he thinks, ey?

Then one day, a good writer came ("OooOh" said the gay one!) along and made these basic characters into something special. They ate like kings in Lourdes and got to meet great people. Finally, the straight one's dreams all came ("OoOOoOh" the gay one said again) true at once. Fianna Fáil asked him to be Taoiseach. They made some provisions, changed the constitution and allowed him to live in Asia and rule from there. Officially after two years, thanks to new legislation, he was crowned High King of the Republic of Ireland.

As for the gay one, he was less successful and lived in Papa New Guinea. He receives "dig-outs" from His Majesty the Straight One of Ireland on a bi-monthly basis. He was reportedly seeing a native of Papa New Guinea and the relationship was getting serious. So, at least he had lovely Jeremy to lean on.

All this happened between 1857 and 1902. The writer then subsequently died and a new writer(ess) came and took them from their positions as High King of the Republic of Irleland and house-husband of Jeremy and put them both in Chicago during the Depression. They are currently still there getting used to America and prohibition. They are reunited but, of course, the straight one misses being High King of the Republic of Ireland and the gay one misses Jeremy.

We may never again hear of their tale. The writer(ess) may want to leave them alone to think of a decent plot for themselves. If that's the case, goodnight ladies and gentlemen.