Lola Sleevend and Lisbon.

SCENE: A school hall somewhere in the Bow-mont area. LOLA SLEEVEND approaches a desk attended by two old ladies and produces her polling card and her passport.

LOLA SLEEVEND:
Hi, I'm here to vote for the Green Party?

OLD LADY ONE:
I'm sorry dear, this is a referendum, not an election.

LOLA SLEEVEND:
A what? O, I thought I could vote for the Green Party.

OLD LADY TWO:
No darling, that'll be the local elections next time round. This is a referendum. It's very simple really. You're asked if you agree with the constitutional amendment that accepts the Lisbon Treaty and you simply put an X next to yes or no.

LOLA SLEEVEND:
But how do I know what to say? I mean, can I not just vote for the Green Party?

OLD LADY ONE:
Look, what is your fucking problem? Are you stupid? We've told you already it's a REFERENDUM. You say YES or NO. There's no voting for anyone involved.

LOLA SLEEVEND:
But my brother Ciaran is in the Green Party and he told me to vote today.

OLD LADY ONE:
And did he not say whether to vote yes or no?

LOLA SLEEVEND:
Yes.

OLD LADY TWO:
Is that sorted then?

LOLA SLEEVEND:
No. Well, I think he said vote, anyway. I'm not sure. He might have said goat, because he likes goats. I won the Feis Gee in 1999 for shoving an entire goat's head up my gee, and ever after that they named the cup after me.

OLD LADY ONE:
Is this really relevant?

OLD LADY TWO:
Take your polling card, dear.

LOLA SLEEVEND:
And what am I supposed to do with it?

OLD LADY ONE:
Shove it up your gee for all I care!

OLD LADY TWO:
Agnes!

LOLA SLEEVEND proceeds to the voting booth where she writes a large "GEE" on her polling card, though not quite as large as her own. She then proceeds to put it in her box. The box, excuse me.

GEE!